forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
