Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
