if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
