He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
