is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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