i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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