Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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