The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
