I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
