So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
