An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
