My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
