please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
