do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
