The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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