awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
