At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
