btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
