I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just want to make out with him forever
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
