i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
