I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
