you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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