I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
