If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
