hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
