yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
