Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize