This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
