Duck Duck Cougar?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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