My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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