you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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