I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
