Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
