I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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