Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So vagazzling was a success
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
