I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
