he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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