the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
