it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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