She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
