she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
