Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
