Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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