They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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