I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
