We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
