Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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