my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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