i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
