The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
