girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You took a bar mat shot.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
