are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
