oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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