Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
