I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
