dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
