Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
