Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i think i have two assholes
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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