who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
