turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
