Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize