even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
